Shelter From The Storm
by sdbubbles
Summary: 'Not a word was spoke between us, there was little risk involved; Everything up to that point had been left unresolved; Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm; "Come in," she said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm."' - "Shelter From The Storm" by Bob Dylan. Circumstance forces Ric and Serena to face their own personal storms, but can they let one another in?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I've been working on this in my mind for a while, but it's been delayed by laptop issues, work issues and a couple of health issues. Oh, and I managed to just about crack my head open this morning. I'm going to try and keep this to a few chapters, and it'll be set all in one night.**

**Sarah x**

* * *

The wind blew right through Serena Campbell, the summer storm brewing all around her. Unnaturally chilly for June, the storm clouds gathered above. It was not the sticky, muggy, humid storms she had become accustomed to in the US. It was cold and threatening, as if it were telling her that everything she knew was ending. Her freedom was straining against her, pulling her back into the eye of that violent tempest while everyone she ever loved dragged her into varying densities of the storm.

Right now it was her mother who dragged her through that particular hell. Of course Adrienne could not help that, and Serena was well aware of this, but it didn't stop her wondering how much more peaceful it would have been to just up and leave it all behind. To start over. _Again_.

But she couldn't. This was her final move. The last stop before home. And she always went home alone.

With a sigh she stalked over to her car before the heavens were bound to open, preferring not to wait until the rain began to fall. It was going to be another night with just her mother's kind, loving but inconsistent conversation, a few glasses of wine and a hurriedly cooked meal that she doubted would taste very nice in her tiredness and haste to fill her empty stomach with _something_. She started the engine and waited for the engine to tick over for a minute, putting the radio on in the hope of hearing a local weather forecast.

But no such luck. All she got was pop music and adverts. She reversed out of her parking space and headed onto the road, wondering what to make for dinner. It was getting to the point that, as long as it was food and remotely edible, she really didn't care much. Saying that, though, she had to make the effort for her mother. It was like living with a child again in many ways. It was exhausting and draining and it made her wonder what the point really was.

When she finally reached her home, she saw the first drops of rain fall. The sensible part of her head told her to get moving before it started lashing it down but she craved just another moment's peace before she stepped back into the storm. She watched the clouds and the rain steal the last of what little light had been given through the cracks, blanketing her world, keeping the warmth in and the light out.

She groaned to herself and picked up her handbag, taking her key out of the ignition before she locked the car and made a bolt for the door. The customary call of "Is that you, Rena?!" never came, and its absence sent Serena's heart into her mouth. She bypassed shedding her coat, shoes and bag and hurried to the living room. To her relief, she found Adrienne sitting on the sofa, laughing at the television, obviously having not heard Serena come in the door. Allowing herself a little smile, she relaxed a little in the knowledge her mother was alright.

"What do you want for dinner, Mum?" Serena smiled gently.

Adrienne turned to her, a wide beam still on her face. "Oh, hello, darling. I didn't hear you come in." Serena just smiled to herself as Adrienne got to her feet. "You're soaking, Serena."

"Yeah, that was just from the car to the front door. I think there's a storm coming," she admitted. "Dinner?"

"Oh, it was just delivered about two minutes before you walked in," Adrienne smiled. "You looked so shattered this morning that I though you could do with a night off cooking, and since you won't let me cook, I ordered us pizza." Serena's eyes narrowed and Adrienne's looked to the ceiling, an exchange they seemed to make almost daily now. "Come on, Serena," she sighed. Serena laughed slightly and took off her coat and shoes at the front door, laying her bag down on the floor. This constant flicking between anxiety and relief was like being slapped in the face repeatedly from two different angles.

She smelled the familiar scent of pizza, cola and chicken strips, and remembered when her mother used to treat her to pizza and fizzy juice when she was upset as a young girl. It was a blast from the past that was both comforting and unnerving for her.

Heaving a sigh, she padded through to the kitchen, her feet aching like hell from a long day in theatre. More and more these days, she found she felt her age a little more. Or perhaps it was just stress mounting up with no way to release it.

Her mother handed her a plate with pizza and chicken strips on it, and a large glass of cola. A rare feeling of contentment, despite the underlying demon in the room with them, spread through Serena. It was a moment shared with her mother, and she was quickly learning to keep them sealed in her memory for she knew there would come a time Adrienne would no longer be able to.

Together they laughed at the television, momentarily forgetting all the strain in their lives, and the stress they caused one another. As Serena bit into a chicken strip, the doorbell rang. Out of habit she went to move her plate from her lap, and Adrienne tried to halt her, but she knew she could get rid of whoever it was more efficiently than Adrienne's incessant politeness allowed. The doorbell rang again, almost impatiently, and as she dashed down the hall she shouted, "Alright, alright, I'm coming!"

She swung the front door open, the wind helping her efforts, and was stunned to see a man she had not seen in months standing before her. "Serena," he said. Part of her really wanted to slam the door in his face just to remind him of all his mistakes, but the sincere apology in his eyes was evident, before he had said anything but her first name. She raised her eyebrow at him, making it clear he was definitely not off the hook for both lying to her and leaving her in the lurch. "I got back to Holby ten minutes ago and the road to my house is blocked by a fallen tree."

"What do you want me to do about that?" she demanded. There was a massive part of her being that was utterly furious with him, purely because he hurt her. He didn't explain before he left. He didn't say goodbye. He just left. "Look, Ric, I'm tired and I'm grouchy. Don't test my patience with stupid requests."

"I haven't asked you anything yet!" he protested loudly, and Serena closed her eyes as she heard Adrienne get up in the living room. The last thing she needed was her mother poking her nose in where Ric was concerned.

Serena laughed slightly and retorted, "You want me to go with you and shift that tree, don't you?"

"You are joking, aren't you?" Ric laughed cheerfully. "The size of that thing, it'll take a military operation to move it," he joked. Serena stood there, feeling Adrienne approach behind her, and felt her feelings of anger and affection for Ric entangling until she was lost. "Just...let me in. Please." Serena hesitated. Didn't she feel worked up enough without Ric's presence too?

Adrienne said from behind, "Come in, Ric. We have pizza!" Serena shot her mother a glare and looked around to find Ric looking amused, wearing a smirk Serena instantly wiped off his face with just one look. Not taking her stony stare off him, she stood aside for him to enter her house. "Oh, shoes off," Adrienne added. "It drives Rena up the wall when people trample dirt into her floors."

Ric grinned and Adrienne wandered back to the living room, leaving Serena alone with Ric as he removed his wet coat and his shoes. She made her point clear in her silence – that he had gone about everything the wrong way. That he had been gone when she had needed him. That he had no idea what had gone on in his absence because he had not bothered to make any contact with her. Had he bothered with her, he would have been able to hear even in her voice that she was hurting, just as he always had done. It wasn't often she actually needed him, but the one time she did, he was not there for her, and that stung.

"Are you angry with me?" he asked quietly. "I would completely understand if you were."  
Now that he was here, so close to her, she didn't feel as angry. Now that she saw that he was sorry for the way he did things, she wasn't as inclined to slap him. "No," she whispered, grudgingly admitting that he hadn't exactly angered her. It was more like he had wounded her. That he hadn't been there when she had secretly hit rock bottom. "No, I'm not angry. Not anymore."

"Then what's the death glare in aid of?"

"I might not be angry, Ric, but I mean what I said before. Please, just don't test my patience right now." He nodded in acknowledgement of her caution. "How's Jess?" she added, knowing his daughter was the reason he left in the first place.

"She's getting there," Ric smiled. "It's been a challenge, both logistically and emotionally, but she's getting there. Jacob is adjusting. David is nowhere to be seen, thankfully. There's been a lot of arguing, and many sleepless nights, but they've finally settled down, I think."

Serena smiled slightly at the obvious love he held for his daughter, despite their strained relationship. It was something Serena saw from all angles, as she held complex and sometimes painful relationships with bother her mother and her daughter, and she didn't see it getting better anytime soon.

"You and your mother seem closer."

"Yes, well, we don't have much choice," she said, a dark tone to her voice that frightened even her while Ric's face dawned an expression of confusion. "She's not well, Ric. It looks like dementia." Slipping back into this friendship, this connection, seemed so effortless that she felt that it was too easy. That she couldn't trust it. Since when could she trust a feeling that came to her without her having to understand it? She struggled to trust anything these days.

Ric's face changed into a look of sad and uncomfortable understanding. "Oh, Serena, I am so sorry," he sighed. That voice, that tone she had almost forgotten, took her walls down, and she had to look away so she could retain her composure. His hand touched her back gently. "I'm glad to see your face again," he confessed. His arm sneaked around her shoulders and she smiled slightly; though she didn't want to admit it, she had missed him dearly while he was away. She felt him kiss her cheek and squeeze her tight.

Looking straight ahead, right down the hallway, she smirked, "You've only been back quarter of an hour ago. Don't push your luck." She allowed herself to turn her head to face him, taking in the depths of his eyes and the contours of his skin, and she smiled a little at him, just glad to have him back. She knew there were things they still needed to talk about, things that could not go unsaid and things he would find out when he went back to work anyway, but at least she wasn't alone anymore.

Despite her doubts she led him to the living room and sat down, offering him a slice of pizza, bracing herself for the height of the storm that neither could escape. She knew Ric faced a storm of his own too, and she was not the only one who desperately sought shelter these days. Safety was something she knew eluded Ric time after time, because the mistakes he and others made only brought him trauma, and she hated that he had felt he could not have fully confided in her.

So as the storm grew more powerful outside, she braced herself for its impact on her and Ric.

* * *

**Hope this is OK!  
Please feel free to leave a review and tell me your thoughts!  
Sarah x**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I realise I've vanished from here for about a month, but there were a lot of things I needed to deal with, and it's been tiring. But I'm back. This chapter is for Katie to compensate for the fact I forgot to inform her of a British show about Rosanne Cash. Sorry, Katie!**

**Thanks, as always, to all who read and review.**

**Sarah x**

* * *

Serena sat watching Ric, wondering why he was here. Why he had thought of her. What he thought he was playing at. Why she was the first person he had felt he could run to. He had plenty of people who would have given him their sofa or spare room for the night. Part of her, despite her denial of the emotion, was furious with him. When Adrienne was safely in bed, she fully intended to remind Ric he needed to use that brilliant brain of his once in a while. But then she could also see in his face that he knew he had gone about everything in entirely the wrong way.

"Are you getting on any better with Guy?" asked Ric interestedly.

"No," came Serena's flat reply. She had little pleasant to say about Guy Self, apart from that he was a decent neurosurgeon. As a human being, however, she held little respect for him. He was hardly kind or understanding towards her, and she could not respect a person who treated her the way he did. "He's doing my skull in."

"Some things never change," he commented. She glared at him, willing him just to shut up before she ended up telling him about that day Guy had just about broke her, pressurising her while a man and his son ended up without a future and her mother started to betray signs of deterioration. To tell him would have been to admit a day of weakness, a day when she had thought there was no light at the end of any tunnel she would find herself crawling through, and she didn't want him knowing that she had felt so low.

Serena was silent, letting Ric and Adrienne talk as much as they wanted. If they talked about her, she was beyond the point of actually caring. If they didn't say it in front of her then they were sure to say it behind her back, and she would rather be able to hear what they were saying. "Rena, sweetheart, go upstairs and see if your father needs something to eat," Adrienne ordered her. Serena could only stare at her. Her father was long dead now, and Adrienne seemed to think he was just up a flight of stairs.

But she collected herself, biting her tongue only because she did not know what to say. She felt the overwhelming urge to kick something in frustration; how could Adrienne forget such a thing? Rather than lose her cool, she stood up and left the room without a word. She slowly and silently made her way upstairs, reaching her bedroom quicker than she anticipated. She soon found herself sitting on her bed, staring at the floor, wondering what on Earth she was doing. How could she have thought that she knew how to handle her mother's deterioration alone? She was a daughter here, not a doctor. Had she not given Ric the same advice when he had wanted to take part in Jess' surgery? That he was a father to her, not a surgeon?

She now was in a similar position, and she wished she was able to take her own advice. But advice was not something she easily accepted or even acknowledged. It was something she ignored because she knew better. But did she know better this time?

Her heart told her that she knew her mother better than any other person could possibly hope to, but her head reminded her that Adrienne was changing into someone who had forgotten that her husband was dead. Serena could not handle that. It hurt too much.

Unsure of how long she had sat there, she looked at the alarm clock on her bedside table. She'd been there six minutes, just trying to work out how to proceed. Was she meant to pretend she had spoken to her father or be blunt and explain he was dead and had been for years? Lie or be honest? Be the one to frantically glue the pieces back together with a lie or be the one to shatter apart the cracks with the truth?

There was a gentle knock at the door, and Serena looked up to see Ric standing in the doorway. "I take it your dad isn't here?" he softly asked of her. She glared at him, unwilling to say anything on the subject. "Are you OK?"

"Just go and finish your dinner," she replied, her voice flat. "I'll be down in a minute."

"Serena," he began. She tried to silently warn him off but knew better than to think it was actually going to work. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"You weren't here!" she snapped, annoyed that he would even question her when he was nowhere to be seen when she had needed his support. It was very seldom that she actually did need him, and when she did, when she needed a friend, she was left on her own. "How can you speak to someone who just isn't there?"

Ric sighed. "I meant about your father, Serena. Why didn't you just tell her he's not here?"

"I don't know." It was the truth. She just didn't know what to do. She was in no doubt that her mother was ill now, or that she was going to become a bit of a handful, however much Serena loved her, but she didn't know how best to deal with that. She doubted her own strength, because she doubted how much more of this she could take. "I guess I didn't want to upset her," admitted Serena. "She'll have forgotten by the time I get back downstairs anyway." She didn't look at Ric. She didn't want to see how he felt about what he had taken refuge in, because she knew him well enough to know the look on his face she was sure to be met with.

She heard his gentle sigh and felt their friendship return with no effort. It was exactly what she didn't want; it meant she was vulnerable to his perceptions, to his knowledge of who she was and all the things she did and said that gave away the game without her even realising. She didn't want to give him that gateway. She was run ragged, too tired to keep up the secondary defences behind the wall. They were on the verge of collapsing at her feet, and she didn't want Ric seeing how exhausted she really was.

Ric got to his feet and said to her, "I'll just be in the living room with Adrienne when you feel like coming back downstairs." She looked up and nodded slightly, trying to gather her thoughts and calm her screaming mind. She was starting to see beyond the immediately approaching, to the long road ahead, cluttered with obstacles and holes she could quite easily fall into with Adrienne, who was bound to stumble down them herself.

When Ric left, she found herself reduced to examining the fibres of the carpet, noticing for the first time the many tones of red. To hear Adrienne mention her late husband, Serena's father, like he was still alive had unnerved her, but she did not want to let them see that. She was strong – she always had been and she was determined that she always would be – but it hurt to see her mother's mind failing. It hurt to know that the woman she had always relied upon was now growing weaker. It hurt to watch her changing, hence why she had managed to ignore it until it was impossible to be blind.

Blindness, she had found, was simple. It was convenient. It was peaceful. But it hadn't been blindness at all. It had been ignorance. She had ignored it. Had she not then perhaps a man's life would not have been put at risk. Had she not ignored the obvious, Adrienne may not have been left to live alone, and struggle with it. Ignorance was not simple, or convenient, or peaceful; she had known, somewhere in the depths of her conscience, that something was amiss, but she hadn't confronted it when she should have. She was still kicking herself for that.

But what good did it do to kick herself now?

She felt trapped, obligated to her mother. It was never going to end, only worsen, and, as guilty as she felt for it, she could not like how she lived right now. It was the closest she had been to her mother in so long, and yet the most distant they had ever been. That pain and frustration was never-ending.

She could hear the wind howling outside, the rain smashing the glass window. The sound changed her mind; it reminded her that, even though it didn't seem like it now, all would be calm outside by morning. It reminded her that every storm would inevitably pass, even if it did leave destruction in its wake. Nothing lasted forever.

And now Ric was back. It simplified matters and complicated them simultaneously. Having a friend, someone she trusted, was a comfort, but finding it in herself to let him in was more difficult. She found it easier now to keep everything to herself, because she didn't want people to see her when she was low, and Guy had taught her, if nothing else, that revealing her burdens made her a nuisance to others.

But even if this didn't last forever, it was going to last long enough. Too long, progressively becoming more difficult with time, and she didn't know if she could stick it out. Maybe she did need some real help with Adrienne. Proper help. Was it not in both their best interests? Had she not proven many times before that she was not infallible? She was not a superhero. She was not Superwoman. So why did she insist on trying to be?

She sighed and stood up, glancing out the rain spattered window as she turned. Dark only because storm clouds blocked out the light, the rain bouncing off the road with so much force, the streets were deserted. Not many people were foolish enough to venture out in this weather, except Ric, it seemed. He probably should have stayed where he was, but if he had the good sense to do that, he wouldn't be here. As much as she protested to it, his presence was somewhat comforting. It probably always would be, because she had let him get to her. Not very much, but enough to make her value him.

With caution she trudged down the stairs, hearing the fifth step down creak under her bare feet. She could hear Ric and Adrienne talking like old friends, getting along like a house on fire. Serena's mother, after all, was nothing if not affable, and there was no denying that Ric, despite making more than his fair share of stupid mistakes, was truly decent.

It made her wonder how her life had come to this point, stuck in a house with her mother and her friend, in the middle of a storm that sounded like it was trying to clobber the house down. She sat down next to Adrienne and picked up her plate, sharing a meaningful look with Ric as she bit into her pizza; she could see him silently tell her she was not alone, even if she felt like she was. She just had to stop pushing people away.

She fixed her eyes on the television, and the weather forecast, seeing that the area was in for one hell of a battering throughout the rest of the night. "Areas within the city of Holby and outlying rural areas can expect to see localised flooding," said the weatherman, "and quite probably fallen trees. Please do not travel unless it's completely-"

That was as far as he got. "Oh, just fantastic!" Serena groaned. The television cut out, and the lights failed, plunging them into a silent, eerie darkness. She instantly felt her stomach twist in the knowledge that this was probably them for the night. "I'll go and find some candles," sighed Serena. "I think there's a torch in the garden shed."

She heard Ric get to his feet and say, "I'll go and look for it."

"The key's under the stone beside the shed," she answered, feeling around on the coffee table for her phone so she could get just a little light from the screen. "You OK, Mum?" she asked as she unlocked her phone and provided them with a faint light.

"Of course, darling," Adrienne answered. "Just a little power cut, after all."

* * *

**Hope this is OK!  
Please feel free to review and tell me what you think!  
Sarah x  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Not entirely happy with this chapter but it's after 2am so it's going to have to do. Thank you as always to everyone who is reading and reviewing.**

**Sarah x**

* * *

Serena stood on the arm of the sofa, digging around in the high cupboard for the candles she put there when she moved in over two years ago. "On reflection, Mum, this wasn't the best place to put them," she complained to her mother, stretching into the cupboard while trying to keep her balance. "Bloody stupid idea."

She heard Adrienne's soft chuckle through the darkness. "Forethought never was your strong point, my dear." Serena sighed, wondering if Ric was faring any better than she was. She felt the familiar texture of wax hit her fingers and she felt the relief of knowing that there were matches in the dresser drawer. She was careful not to fall as she stepped off the sofa and barefoot onto the wooden floor; it wasn't long before she had four candles lit, bringing a dim though much needed light upon them. "Shouldn't you go and make sure Ric's alright outside?" asked Adrienne.

Serena smiled to herself at the image of Ric scrabbling around in her shed. It wasn't something he was likely to enjoy. "Yes, I'd better," she agreed; at the back door she felt around for her rain coat but found nothing in the dark.

"Oh, for crying out loud!" came a frustrated shout from outside. She smirked to herself; she knew what state that shed was in. She knew it hadn't been tidied in many months but objects of little to no use had been thrown in there without a backwards glance. A crash confirmed her prediction that half its contents had destabilised at Ric's touch. She pulled on her wellies and half-ran out the door, accepting she wasn't going to find a coat. Guided by the light of her phone screen, she made her way to the shed.

"What's wrong?!" she asked loudly, raising her voice to be heard over the wind and rain.

"Do you even know how much rubbish has been thrown in here?!" he demanded. She smirked and barged him out of the way, knowing the torch was sitting on the back shelf. She only hoped it was actually charged up. "I mean, seriously, Serena, for a woman so organised, it's a mess."

"Yeah, yeah," she groaned, stretching across the lawn mower to get to the back shelf, the smell of petrol assaulting her nose. She stood on the top of the engine with one foot, balancing until she could grab the handle of the heavy duty torch. "This thing better be bloody working," she grumbled. At that moment, she lost her footing, letting out a shout of annoyance and alarm. She never hit the floor or the wall, though; instead she felt a hand on each side of her waist, guiding her back out of the shed.

Safe on solid ground, she flicked on the torch so she could actually see Ric's face; he was wearing a slightly know-it-all smile, leaving her torn between smiling and rolling her eyes. She was suddenly aware that the rain was lashing down on them, soaking them both to the skin. She smiled slightly, realising only now that he hadn't removed his hands from her waist.

She moved one hand down to his and said, "I'm no longer in danger of hitting the ground, Ric." Looking embarrassed, he moved his hand away and closed the shed, and they quickly walked inside. "I am absolutely soaked," she moaned in slight despair, shivering slightly in the cold and dark.

A frightened call of, "Who's there?!" came through the house, and Serena's heart sank. She had hoped her mother was going to be alright, but perhaps she wasn't.

Serena pulled off her wellies and proceeded forward with little fear, having grown accustomed to this sort of incident in recent weeks. She reached Adrienne, who was standing in the hallway, and said, "It's just me. It's OK. It's just me and Ric."

But Adrienne's expression told her that she wasn't convinced. "Get out of my house!" ordered Adrienne, reaching out to push Serena away; Serena caught her by the wrists. "Let me go!"

"Mum!" Serena firmly said. "Mum, it's me. Serena. Your daughter." Adrienne's face dawned an expression of calm, and Serena cautiously released her mother, looking sadly down at the woman who had raised her. "OK?"

"Rena, darling, you're drenched," was Adrienne's reply. "Upstairs and get changed before you get sniffles." Serena sighed and smiled slightly at her mother. "Take Ric with you. Perhaps some of Edward's old clothes were left behind." Serena winced at the mention of her ex-husband, and the reminder that he was too much of a mess to come over and pick up the few items of clothing he had left behind.

By torchlight she made her way up the stairs, hearing Ric at her back. She had known he would have been listening to them. She was silent, trying to keep her thoughts to herself because she knew it was more stressful to speak her mind. She found a clean pair of pyjamas to fit Ric, and she watched him go to the bathroom. She peeled her own shirt off, feeling it sticking to her skin, and she suddenly felt so helpless.

She felt the weight of her mother, of her daughter, of her ex-husband, of her career, of Guy bloody Self, of everything she knew, on her chest, crushing her heart. She was crushed to the ground, in pain and exhausted. Every step forward was unpleasant and heavy; she didn't know how much longer she could deal with this. Her mother was draining every ounce of energy from her. She hated feeling so selfish for being so tired of it all, but she really was. She couldn't keep going like this – she was going to crash and burn soon.

So when she stood up, it was on autopilot that she changed into pyjamas. It was autopilot that she threw the wet clothes into the laundry basket. She had stopped thinking about what she was doing a long time ago now, doing what needed to be done.

"Serena, are you OK?" asked Ric. She startled slightly; she hadn't heard him come through the door. "You look...well, you don't look great."

"Oh, thanks," she sarcastically replied. "Torchlight never was very flattering though."

"No, it's more than that," he insisted. She wished he wouldn't highlight how she was feeling. She needed to focus on keeping Adrienne calm; she was bound to become agitated tonight. "When was the last time you had a decent night's sleep?" She shrugged her shoulders and searched the floor for her slippers, having long lost track of her sleeping and eating patterns. She ate and slept when she got the time – when all was quiet. Things were not easy. Harder than she had imagined, in fact, but she felt duty bound to care for her mother, to return the favour of being raised so lovingly as a child. "Are you coping?"

It wasn't a subjective question. It wasn't one she could wriggle out of with semantics. It wasn't "How are you coping?" It was the blunt question of whether or not she was coping, not how well she was doing so.

"Yeah, we're fine," she replied. "Absolutely fine," she reaffirmed, pushing her feet into her slippers with more force than was strictly necessary. But even in the dim light available to them, she saw Ric remained unconvinced and alarmed by what he was witnessing. The walls she had built grew weaker every day and were in danger of crumbling completely. "She's just...it's like she's just not my mum anymore."

Ric reached out and placed his hand on her arm. Serena looked at where he touched her; she had missed his gentleness while her life had taken her into a whirlwind with no warning at all. "It must be difficult," he sighed. "But I'm here for you. You should have called me."

"You had your own problems."

"I would have made time for you. I _will_ make time for you."

She looked up from his hand to see his face, and she was hit suddenly by the sincerity of what he was saying to her. She closed her eyes and told him, "You've seen how she's getting, Ric. She's hit me, she's kicked me, she's pushed me, she's hurled verbal abuse at me...and she doesn't remember it, seconds later."

When she opened her eyes, she saw an expression of horror on his face.

A call from downstairs made her jump. "Serena!" shouted Adrienne. Serena sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose in exhausted frustration. "Serena, quickly!"

Serena grabbed the torch and they hurtled down the stairs as fast as they could, hearing the panic in Adrienne's shout.

When they got to the living room, Serena was shocked to find a smaller but growing blaze burning hot and bright at the window – the curtain had caught fire. Immediately Ric picked up a blanket from the sofa and started trying to batter it down, and Serena ran to the kitchen and filled the first vessel she found, the mop bucket with water. It seemed to take an age to fill, and she began to inwardly panic as she heard Ric loudly order her mother back away from the flames.

She took the bucket without even turning the tap off, throwing it about the flames and the heat. It extinguished immediately, and an extreme relief fell over her. "How could you be so stupid?! Why on Earth did you have flames anywhere near the curtains?!" Serena demanded. Her voice came out in a panicked shout, and she saw instantly that she was frightening her mother. "You could have got hurt, Mum!"

"I'm sorry!" she shrieked back at Serena.

Serena closed her eyes once more and counted silently to ten, breathing deeply. "It's OK," she said when she opened her eyes. "It's OK, Mum. Accidents happen," she smiled. "I'm going to get a towel and mop up some of that water. Just...just keep the candles away from the soft furnishings, alright?"

She picked up the empty bucket and dumped it on the floor in the corner of the kitchen, and leaned down to take a towel from the clean washing basket. She could hear Ric quietly comforting Adrienne, easing her mind about that particular trauma. It dawned on Serena that her mother could have burned the house down. By leaving her alone for a short length of time, Serena had just put all three of their lives at risk.

The scent of burnt cloth was making her feel slightly ill, and she was realising this wasn't right. She couldn't cope with this, could she? It was chaos, madness. She had the overwhelming urge to walk out that door and never come back. She was terrified of what was coming. Her storm was only just beginning, and if she let this go on, she might not survive it. It felt like everything was trying to kill her, that the Earth and moon were conspiring just to make her life hell.

Serena returned to the living room to find Adrienne perfectly calm on the sofa, chatting away to Ric like nothing had happened. And in Adrienne's mind, it was probably true. Serena removed a photo of her, her mother and her father, taken many years ago, from the window sill, along with two ornaments, and mopped up the pool of water gathering on the varnished wood. She shined the torch down and assessed the mess on the floor and the damage to the blackened wall and burned curtains. Fortunately, the fire had only reached about a foot up the curtain from the extinguished candle on the little table beneath the window. Adrienne must have been at the window by candlelight and set the candle on the table.

She sighed and got down on her knees to soak the water from the wooden floor into the towel. It was a large pool of water, so she asked, "Would you get me another couple of towels from the kitchen, please, Ric?"

"Sure," he answered, and she heard him leave the room.

Serena continued to soak water into the towel she had in her hands, and Adrienne spoke behind her. "Oh, my goodness! What happened to the curtains?!"

* * *

**Hope this is OK!  
Please feel free to leave me a review and tell me what you think!  
Sarah x  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Another post-2am update. Sorry about that. It seems being off work for two weeks isn't agreeing with me. Anyway, thanks as usual to everyone who reads or reviews.**

**Sarah x**

* * *

Serena stared at the floor in despair. "They caught fire on a candle, Mum," was her answer. She noticed she was fighting to keep her voice level, and she was making a conscious effort not to let her upset show in the form of tears. "We have to remember to keep the candles back from the fabrics."

She heard Ric re-enter the room, his hand on her back when he knelt down to help her clean up. His touch stirred some sort of restrained emotion in her, and she felt like her chest was going to crack open with the pressure on it; she was trying her best to hold it all in, though, because she didn't want Ric or her mother to see it. She didn't want to seem weak or fragile. But when she looked up to take a fresh towel from Ric, she was met with a sad and knowing expression on his face. She had allowed herself to forget how much he actually noticed.

In silence they mopped up the last of the water as best they could and Serena stood up, helping Ric to his feet. "Right, just stay away from here, OK, Mum? It's still a bit slippery."

Serena took the torch and avoided looking at her mother, trying not to hate herself for not wanting to look at a woman she no longer recognised. The mother she knew never hit her or pushed her, and she had always been kind and long, knowing and optimistic. She couldn't do it anymore. The woman didn't realise she had almost burned the house down, for Christ's sake. She didn't remember slapping her across the face. She didn't remember trying to throw her out the house. It wasn't her fault, and Serena knew that, but it was insanely hard for her to keep in mind when it got tough. It was increasingly painful to keep going in this madness.

She threw the wet towels in the washing machine and leaned back against the counter. The room was dark; there was little light coming through the window, apart from the frequent flash of lightning. The weight on her chest made her want to just give in, but her humanity didn't allow it. How could she give up on the mother that has never once given up on her in close to half a century? Adrienne was her mother, one of probably only three people on this planet she would sacrifice her heart's peace for. She needed to keep going.

Keeping going, though, was the same as running herself into the ground. What use was she to anyone if she was so worn out that her mind felt like it was fighting against her? She was exhausted to the point that she had a constant nagging in the back of her mind that she had forgotten something, like she didn't trust herself to deal with everything that needed done. How could she keep going when it was just keeping her down? But the fact remained that she couldn't leave Adrienne on her own.

Then a realisation fell upon her: Adrienne wasn't on her own. Ric was too sensible and too human to leave a woman with dementia on her own. Maybe there was an escape route.

In a desperate moment of anger and fear, she went to the back door and picked up her wellies, lifting her phone and her car keys from where she had left them on the cluttered kitchen table. A sudden thought of possibility occurred to her, so she got her passport out of the kitchen drawer before she left the room. She was careful to remain silent as she gently walked to the front door, refusing to stop and look at what she was leaving behind. She pulled on her coat and picked up her handbag, and she gently opened the door.

Lightning flashed through the sheets of rain, reminding her of the dangers of venturing out in this weather, but she didn't care. She needed out. She needed to go.

Wincing slightly as the thunder crashed overhead and she felt the wind blowing through her, she unlocked the car and walked steadily to the driver's side door. She fought not look back at the house. It would only remind her that she had responsibilities that she was flouting for her own selfishness. She got in and started the engine, hoping Ric and Adrienne wouldn't hear it through the weather as she pulled off. She didn't know where she was going. She just knew that if she stayed here, she wasn't going to survive in one piece.

She drove down that old familiar road that she travelled just about every day. The road to work, to the hospital where once she had hid but where now she suffered. She didn't think. She just drove where her subconscious took her. The rain bounced off the window, and she could even feel the car pull ever so slightly when a strong gust of wind blew. The thunder and lightning did not let up at all; if anything, they became more frequent, the time between each burst growing shorter all the time.

Before long, she was driving into Holby City Hospital car park, instantly finding her designated parking spot. She felt no relief here, but it was somewhere to stop and plan. She realised that she had been rash, that she had gone with no thought as to what on Earth she was going to do. She had no plan ahead of her.

Part of her wanted to go to the airport and board the first flight she could, to wherever it was headed. Paris, Madrid, New York, Sydney, Glasgow, Toronto, Chicago, Moscow, Beijing...she didn't care, as long as it wasn't here. As long as her mother wasn't there, she didn't care where on the planet she found herself. It was sanctuary she sought from this storm that raged around her, draining her of all energy and compassion.

But before she could do any of that, there were certain things she needed to retrieve from her office – her spare phone charger, the flash drive on which her CV and other documents were stored, and the necklace she had forgotten to put back on after her last stint in theatre today, having managed to stress herself out completely.

She sighed and felt her chest tighten as the conflict tore her apart. She was split between who she was and what she was so desperate to escape. Steeling herself, she stepped out of the car and locked it. She was suddenly aware that she was wearing pyjamas, but she was beyond caring very much. All she wanted was to escape.

She ran through the rain, wishing to remain as dry as possible, and into the hospital feeling and probably looking like an utter bloody idiot. The place was quiet; it was nightshift now, after all, and most people had the sense to go inside when the rain started to pour. It was then, however, that she spotted Zosia March approaching with coffee in her hand. She pressed the button for the lift and waited, hoping she could be in the lift before Zosia got to her. No such luck, though, as the young doctor stood next to her wearing a puzzled smile.

"Pyjamas and wellies," she noted. "Making a fashion statement, are we?" Serena forced a somewhat wry smile, trying to disguise the raw fear and panic that was starting to rear its ugly head within her. "Have you come to rescue Keller from our inexperienced hands?"

"Um, no, afraid not," Serena admitted. "Just need to collect a few things of mine." Zosia was unconvinced by her answer as they stepped into the lift, but she said nothing about it. Instead they stood in silence until they reached the third floor. It was when they stepped onto the ward that her phone rang; she looked at the screen and saw it was Ric calling, and she declined the call without hesitation.

Ignoring Zosia's look of interest and concern, she stalked to her office and turned on the light. To calm her anxieties, she took a deep breath. She looked around her at the office she shared now with Sacha Levy – when she wasn't posted on AAU, anyway. She pulled open the top drawer of her desk and hastily placed the phone charger and flash drive in her bag, and tried to find her necklace, but she couldn't see it.

Annoyed, she took every item out of every drawer, dumping them carelessly on her desk, searching frantically for the necklace she could not leave without. She still had enough of a heart that there was no possibility of her leaving without that item of jewellery, purely for its sentimental value. "Oh, for God's sake!" she growled agitatedly. There was a timid knock at the door and she shouted, "Yes!" with no manners or patience.

It was Arthur Digby who stood there when she looked up, and his presence only irritated her further. "Um, Ms. Campbell, Mr. Griffin is on the phone for you," he informed her.

Without looking up again, too focussed on finding that necklace, she snapped, "Tell him I'm not here."

"Well, er, I can't. I've already told him I saw you come in, so..."

"Tell him you were mistaken."

"I can't," Arthur answered her, and she was alarmed to hear some firmness in his voice. "Nobody has heard from him in months, Ms. Campbell. If he's looking for you, it's for a good reason." She looked up to glare at him, but he did not care and she knew why. He had got his point across, and that was good enough for him. "What are you looking for?"

"My necklace," she sighed, sorting through papers in case it had got lost in there.

"Oh, um, Zosia found a necklace earlier. She put it at the nurses' station in case someone was looking for it. Maybe that's it?"

Serena sighed and followed him out onto the ward, and he led her into the nurses' station. He picked it up and she said, "Yes, that's it." He went to hand it to her but recoiled his hand, looking down at the phone that was off its hook while Ric waited on the line. "Oh, fine," she hissed. He smiled and handed her the necklace.

She picked up the phone and immediately hung up on Ric without so much as putting it to her ear. Digby seemed horrified by her actions, and probably more so that she had outsmarted him, and she raised her eyebrow at him, just daring him to speak. Leaving Digby with his mouth hanging open indignantly, and knowing Zosia was watching from her patient's bedside, she returned to her office and picked up her bag. She did not bother to tidy up because she just did not care enough to stop.

She closed the door behind her when she returned to the main ward; her phone rang again, and yet again it was Ric's caller ID that appeared, and again she hung up on him and put him through to voicemail.

Arthur approached her with concern on his face, and she realised only now that the young man felt a responsibility to ensure all was well, because even she knew that her sudden appearance at her workplace at night wearing pyjamas was not normal, and anything that wasn't normal was sure to ring alarm bells with Arthur Digby. "Ms. Campbell, is everything OK?" he nervously asked.

"Yes," she replied, her tone clipped and impatient as she tried to deter him.

He let out a breath with an uneasy smile but he was not finished. "OK, well, you're here after hours during a major storm, and you know, you're in pyjamas and wellies, and you've just turned your office upside down, and you've ignored a call from Mr. Griffin...so, um, you can probably see why there's cause for concern...not to say that there's necessarily anything wrong at all, but it isn't what...well, what you're normally like, is it?"

She started to walk towards the lift and said, "I'm fine."

Arthur persisted, walking alongside her. "Well, if any of us came in like this, you'd think we'd gone mad." Rapidly losing her patience with him, she called the lift.

"I can assure you I've not gone mad just yet, Dr. Digby," she briskly replied. The metal doors opened and she stepped in, pressing the button for the ground floor, causing the doors to close between her and a very much confused and frustrated Arthur.

Now she just had to work out where the hell she was going from here.

* * *

**Hope this is alright!  
Please feel free to review and tell me your thoughts!  
Sarah x  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This is probably longer than necessary, and I've probably fiddled about with it longer than necessary, but here it is anyway. Thanks to all who read and review, as always.**

**Sarah x**

* * *

Serena sat in her car and tried to form a plan, but she felt like her head was spinning. The freedom in front of her was daunting after being so trapped by her own circumstances. It was disconcerting, leaving her debating what to do. She doubted there would be very many flights leaving the airport in this weather. Trains were sure to be disrupted by the weather too. As treacherous as it was, perhaps she had to drive.

She didn't like the idea of driving in this storm but she couldn't go back. Her phone started to ring and she glanced at it, seeing it was Ric – again. She didn't touch it. Instead she let it ring out. Then a message telling her a voicemail had been left appeared not long later. She knew Ric would have left a message, but she didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear his voice and be reminded that not only was she running from her burdens, but she was running from everyone she loved. But there was part of her that wanted to hear him, to know there was someone out there who was on her side.

With trembling hands, she lifted her phone, pressing the number for voicemail. "Serena, where _are_ you? It's not safe to be out," he chastised her. "No, not that car, Adrienne! This one," he called out to her mother. "Look, I know it's hard and I know you're probably feeling like you can't do it, but you're Serena Campbell. You can do anything you set your mind to. Please, don't go anywhere, Serena. Just wait for me and we can have a long chat and I'll do whatever I can to help you. But, please, don't go."

The automated message asking what she wanted to do with the voicemail came and she simply hung up. All the time she had spent listening to him, she realised, he had been driving towards her, because Digby would have told him she was here. She put her seatbelt on and started the car, reversing out of the parking space; she drove too fast up to the junction, deciding which way to turn. It was the ultimate decision, that choice to turn the opposite direction from home. Lightning flashed overhead, the rain bouncing off the road and the windscreen. The thunder rolled around her as she tried to hold back her frightened and frustrated tears.

She drove carefully; as much as she wanted to get away from here, she didn't want to end up wrapped around a tree. There was still no firm plan as to where she was going or how she was getting there. She was torn now that she had heard Ric's voice, because she knew he meant every word he had said. He believed in her, and she knew that, but it was no good unless she believed in herself, which she didn't. She was too exhausted to keep going and believe it wasn't going to kill her.

She was running on fumes while waiting for the flame to explode them; she didn't know where or when, but she knew, in the end, it would happen. She felt like she might lose her nerve at any moment. Simple tasks became momentous burdens when she was too worn out to deal with work, family and herself at the same time, and do it efficiently.

A car came at high speed behind her and she groaned when she saw the number plate through the rain. She didn't want him coming after her. She just wanted to go and be free. He signalled for her to pull over but she wouldn't do it. She saw Adrienne in the passenger seat when she looked in the rear view mirror, and from what she could tell, her mother was confused.

She told herself there was nowhere safe to pull over anyway. After all, she didn't want to cause a car crash, did she?

She put her foot down on the throttle and forced more speed out of the car, and she knew she was driving far faster than was safe. Ric was close at her tail; she realised he wasn't letting her leave without some effort to try and make her stay, and that this was his attempt to straighten everything out.

She wondered what she was doing. She had nowhere to go. She had nothing packed. She had only her passport and some money. She just couldn't do it, because there was no sense in it. Even if she did want to go, and she did, it wasn't logical. Not tonight, anyway. But perhaps she could stay in a hotel or something overnight and leave in the morning.

At the next layby, she pulled in and sighed. Her defeat did nothing to diminish her anger at Ric for refusing to let her leave in peace, so Serena got out of the car and stormed over to his car as it braked, furious with him and wanting someone to vent all her pent up wrath at. Ric said something to Adrienne, probably telling her to stay put, and got out of the car himself. In seconds, both were soaked.

"Just go back, Ric!" she shouted at him, struggling to be heard through the weather.

"No!" he replied.

"_Yes_!" By then they were inches apart and she was shouting in his face, desperate to make him leave her alone. "Just go!"

"What about your mother?"

"I don't _care_!" she lied. She did care and she knew better than to think that Ric would ever believe that she didn't.

He took her by the shoulders and shook her gently, and she tried not to look at him. "Serena, you do care. You don't have it in you not to." His words took her by the throat, and she wanted to run from him so he couldn't see how much torment she was putting herself through. "Just come home and we can sort it out. We're a team, remember?"

Serena let out a bitter laugh. "Were we a team when I was left alone to deal with Guy? When I held myself responsible for a boy and his father falling off the hospital roof? When I sat in the CEO's office and just looked at the floor because I didn't have the energy to argue with him? When my mother almost killed her warden because she forgot he's allergic to aspirin? When Guy was testing her for dementia? Were we a team when I sat and got myself blind drunk because my heart hurt so much that I didn't know what to do?!" she shouted at him. "We're not a team, Ric! We're two separate people!"

Stunned, she fell silent. She had just said everything she had promised herself that she wouldn't. "We're a team _now_!" argued Ric. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. My daughter needed me!"

"_I_ needed you, Ric!" she yelled in his face, instantly feeling selfish and guilty, disgusted with herself for even thinking that way. She had no right to need him, especially not when Jess, his own flesh and blood, had needed him. But still, she had needed him. "I was lost and falling apart and I needed you!"

He was taken aback by her reaction. It was obvious. He was horrified. Through the rain, she could see the sadness on his face. "You've got me!" he insisted loudly. "I'm here. I just need you to come back and tell me what I can do to help!"

But she wasn't sure he could help at all. Actually, knowing her luck, he may only have made it all so much more complicated and so much harder to deal with. She felt so tired of it all that she didn't even know if she could handle him on top her family. "I can't."

"Why not?!"

"Because I can't take it anymore!" She grabbed his coat in despair, trying to make him understand what she was feeling. "I don't know my own mother anymore! I can't even look her in the eyes half the time. What kind of a daughter does that make me?" She felt the rain streaming down her face, soaking through her clothes and dripping from her hair. Now, though, she had no choice but to let it all out, because he was the one she would ultimately trust with it. "What daughter can't look at their own mother because they're scared of what they'll see?"

"One who's watching her mother lose more of who she is every day!" Ric said. "Nobody expects you to feel good about it, Serena."

"Never mind feeling good, I don't even feel OK!" He reached out, his hand on the side of her neck, willing her to tell him everything she was thinking. So as not to tell him too much, she insisted, "I need to go."

"You don't. You need help. You can't do it all on your own, and there's proper help out there."

"She has a carer already, and I can't even deal with her when I get home at night after getting away from her _all_ day," she admitted. She was close to breaking point, or maybe she was already beyond breaking point...she didn't even know anymore.

She felt his grip on her arm tighten ever so slightly and saw the look in his eyes that told her he had seen just how scared she was. How much she wanted to drive away and never have to look back. She wanted freedom. She needed an escape from her life, and to start a new one where she could know who she was again. This woman who found loving her mother so difficult, that wasn't her. That had never been her before now.

Serena looked over Ric's shoulder to see Adrienne, who was looking worried and utterly confused. It hurt Serena to see her mother looking like that, to see her not knowing what was going on or why, and it was like being physically stabbed in the heart every time she was met with that expression of pained confusion, because it just wasn't the woman she knew and loved with everything she had.

"I..." she began, but she was scared. Scared to let him in on the worst of who she had been, and scared that the way she felt was going alienate him. "I need to leave, Ric. Just make sure you get someone to look after Mum."

The rain battered down any optimism she had once been able to possess. She watched as lightning cracked across the sky, thunder crashing through them as they found themselves at a point from which they could not return as the people they once were. "No, Serena," he argued with her. "Stick it out. Stay."

"Why?" she desperately asked him. "Why?! So I can watch it all fall apart every day? I'll pass, thanks."

Serena needed to go and she tried to turn away, but Ric had a grip on her in every way, tugging at her heart as it broke. "Stay," he repeated. "Stay and we'll deal with this the right way. But if you walk away now, you'll regret it for as long as you live. Even if Adrienne forgets, you will know and it will tear you to pieces. I don't want that for you. I want you to know you did everything in your power, because Serena Campbell never gives in."

She reached out and took his face into her hands. "I'm giving in now."

"Then give in differently!" he pleaded. "Give in by accepting help. Just don't give in by running away, because that isn't what you do!"

The passenger door of Ric's car opened and Adrienne got out, and Serena's immediate reaction was to let go of Ric and go to her mother. "Mum, get back in the car!" she shouted through the rain slamming down into the Earth. "Come on, you're going to get soaked." She ushered her mother gently into the car.

"What's going on, Rena?" Adrienne asked, obviously having forgotten anything Ric may have told her between Serena leaving and Ric and Adrienne catching up with her.

"Nothing," lied Serena, sparing Adrienne the hurt of knowing that she was a part of why her daughter was running. "Back in the car." Her mother obeyed with a smile. "Ric will be with you in a minute." Adrienne nodded, and Serena forced a smile at her before she closed the door then returned to Ric. "See why I have to go?!" she demanded of him. "I don't have it in me to look after her anymore!"

Ric cupped her face in his hands and stared straight at her, so she looked down at the waterlogged road. She didn't want to look at him because she knew he had a belief and a trust in her that she had lost in the midst of the chaos and inside the rush of the storm. "Look at me," he ordered her. Grudgingly she lifted her gaze to meet his dark eyes, seeing that he cared so much for her, and she had never really realised how much. "Come back, Serena. I'm here for you now. I was gone for a while, yes, but I'm here now, and if you need help then I will do my best for you. But this running away from it all isn't the right thing to do, especially for someone who loves her mother as much as you do. You know that."

She stared at him. He was right. Of course he was. How could he not be when he was speaking compassion and sense? But the thought of going back to the way things were, of going back to having no energy, no time and no real happiness, was torturous. It hurt even to entertain the idea. But he was right when he said that she would regret abandoning her mother. She would hate herself for it. It wasn't a question of what would make her happier. It was a question of what would cause her less pain in the long run.

"I know," she confessed. "I know that. I know I would hate living with the knowledge that I walked out on her because I couldn't hack it. But it's all running me into the ground! I need some..." she trailed away, trying to work out how to word it. "...some relief!"

"And you'll get it," he vowed. "I promise we will find a way to make this easier for you."

She searched his eyes for any sign of a lie, but she found none. He meant what he said just as he always did. She had to trust him. She had to take it on trust that he cared about her and wanted to help her out. "Alright," she said, relinquishing that childish, selfish wish to start again somewhere away from everything that hurt her. What else could she really do when it was an impossible choice between leaving and hating herself for it and staying and enduring it until its end? "I'll come back."

* * *

**Hope this is alright!  
Please feel free to leave a review and tell me what you think!  
Sarah x  
**


End file.
